Ariel leira

[deeds]

character name: Ariel leira
Age: 13

gender: male

Hair color/style: brown/ curly/straight
eye color: blue
height/built: medium size/slim

strengths: Archery, riding horses, sword craft, smithing, socializing with other people
weaknesses: Making jewelry, reading.


History: I was nearly killed, I was strapped to a piece of log by a young adult, as soon as the man was about to chop my head off, my father wacked him with a baton, the man looked around and sliced my fathers head off, and then my mothers , but after he sliced my mothers head off, it hit the wall, and it fell out of his hands, and into mine. I then cut off the rope that was attached to me, and I tryed to walk off, defending myself with the sword, i was crying, then suddenly i fell over a piece of wood, and i got knocked out, and then i woke up in Ithendu, with me not remembering what happened, a man with a great grey moustache picked me up, i suddenly awoke, when i was 12 years old, but now i am 13. This man (who still hasn't told me his name) has been teaching me skills, although i should say...
I don't need them!

[Farrion Elfblood]

Good so far.

Don't forget to check spellings before you post.
Stay in the same tense: Starts off saying Ariel did this, and then it changes to I did this.
I'm slightly confused also. This is because it says Ariel was a baby, and then it says you cut the rope... This is impossible to do as an infant, unless you are magical, in which case, you need to say so.
Please change the strengths and weaknesses. How can you be good at riding horses, and have a weakness of falling off horses?

And don't change the sections: You've changed it to weakness's. There should be no apostrophe. Weaknesses.

Sorry to sound tough We love you really :L

[deeds]

haha.
ok mate, cheers.

[Farrion Elfblood]

no problems

[deeds]

ok, have done it

[jumpinjax]

Great

ACCEPTED